CORPORATE RULES

Nothing in your office is yours. 

Nothing you say is secret. 

The smartphone is a tracking device. 

That's why it's smart. 

Work is whatever the Boss assigns. 

Whatever the Boss assigns must be done yesterday.  

Your colleague's job is to get your Boss's job.

He who points fingers first wins. 

Good subordinates can't afford to stay. 

Bad subordinates can't afford to leave. 

Rumors are more real than facts. 

You are what they think you are.

Happy Hour is SO over. 

For every opinion there is an equal and opposite opinion. 

Opinions don't matter--the Budget does. 

Making Budget requires strategy. 

For every strategy there is an equal and opposite strategy. 

Every strategy is replaced by a strategy that reverses it. 

The best way to attract investors is to Reorganize. 

Reorganizations are even better than Mergers. 

Stock Buybacks demonstrate that the Reorganizations work. 

Stock Buybacks and Reorganizations are the sign of superior Executive Vision. 

Lean-In, Disrupt, Enhance Shareholder Value -- 

Buzz-wording the business demonstrates Industry Leadership.  

The Budget comes from the Bottom Line. 

The Bottom Line comes from the Top.

The CEO gets the Bottom Line from Investors.  

Producing numbers is easier than producing business.

Producing numbers means you don't have to produce business. 

The accountants will do what they're told. 

The lawyers will defend the accountants. 

Switzerland, Dubai and Bermuda are good destinations for ex-CEOs. 

The next CEO has already been chosen.  

Our customers will figure out what's wrong with our products. 

They will do what they're told.

Our customers are lucky to have us.  

Your Boss says you did a great job this year. 

Your raise was budgeted last year.

Your Boss says you'll be promoted in 2 years. 

The Boss said the same thing last year.